Say You Love Me
by BellaMorgan1
Summary: Alec leaves for Idris, giving Magnus no choice but to follow after their breakup.


Say You Love Me

(Alec leaves for Idris, giving Magnus no choice but to follow after their breakup.)

Alec couldn't stop himself before he knew it his hand was on Magnus' elbow pulling him back to him. He used too much strength and Magnus turned, crashing into him.

"You're not the only one who needs someone to live." The creepy, frozen darkness was moving slowly from his stomach to his chest to his throat, "He's killing more than Shadowhunters."

Magnus nodded, stupidly, not saying a word.

"Don't fall in love again until I die," Alec spoke the words that scared him most, Magnus moving on, giving his soul and giving his heart to another while Alec was still breathing enough to know Magnus had forgotten him. "Take a lover, do whatever it is you have to, but don't fall in love. Don't say 'I love you' to anyone else." Alec took a deep, shattering breath, "That will surely kill me."

Alec released Magnus' arm. He was scared by the look of shock Magnus kept unchanging on his face. "It's a lot to ask and I'll do what you want, you'll never hear from me again or my stupid friends. We end it here, but I don't want to hear you fell in love." Alec looked away, his reflection in Magnus' eyes were too much, "Goodbye," ' _Magnus'_ his name was stuck on the edge of his tongue; he couldn't say it, couldn't say his name. Alec wasn't stupid enough to think he could say it without emotion. He stepped back a few steps before turning; he heard his name being called by his mother. He kept his head down, watching where his feet were stepping, hoping against hope that Magnus would pull him back in the same fashion he pulled him back.

Nothing came.

He exited the small courtyard and made it to his mother's side. He couldn't turn back. Either Magnus was going to be there, or he wasn't, and Alec didn't know what he would do in either situation.

…

Alec couldn't stay in his house any longer. Izzy and Simon were currently using his room for their own play area. Jace and Clary were god know's where. And he was alone. All of his emotions were stuck in his throat and he couldn't speak anymore. He barely said three words their entire time here so far and no one seemed to notice, or at least no one asked about him. He slipped out of the house without a glance from anyone even though he had to walk right past his parents to get out.

The night before he had a talk with his mother, she asked about his breakup. The conversation was entirely one-sided, she didn't let him get a word in edgewise and he was perfectly okay with that. He did freeze when she asked if he could move on to Shadowhunters then, that's when he spoke his three words. He spoke his peace and left the room. Her mouth was standing open, wide and expressionless.

' _If they're gay.'_

A simple sentence that spoke volumes. He was going to stick to his promise to himself to move on. His simple sentence was all his mother needed to begin planning his marriage to whichever gay Shadowhunter she could find. His mother had already given hope and Izzy ever coming around to her way of thinking and Alec had just agreed to whatever his mother wanted. If he was going to move on, even if it was a loveless, dull arranged marriage then what did it matter who it was too or who arranged it.

He kept walking until he hit the center square, there were many Shadowhunters mulling about. Some just there speaking, some running from place to place, and some alone in deep thought. He was the latter. He didn't know where else to go. He kept walking and froze for just a second with a look down an alleyway; then he hastened his steps; he found Jace and Clary.

His insides twisted, Izzy would have her choice and Jace would have his decision, but he had just agreed to give his opportunity away.

The thought of Magnus killed him a little at a time. He had lied, he didn't want Magnus to have a lover any more than he wanted the warlock to fall in love but he had to let it go. Magnus would never change and they would never be together again. He wants him completely and Magnus would never give him that. He would never stop asking for his past and his future which Magnus would never relinquish.

He weaved himself in and out of city streets, just walking without a purpose, and without a thought of direction. He didn't even know where he had taken himself until he said the old training grounds, they were used at one point for old Academy students. He couldn't remember the grounds ever in use in his times in Idris. He and Jace used to run around the grounds with Izzy and Max; they trained without fear of annoying their parents for taking Max with them. He assumed Shadowhunters used the grounds but he never noticed before. He went over to one of the old pillars made out of solid wood with the wooden practice dummy attached to the top. He sat down against the post and shivered when a breeze went by, it wasn't cold just a chill on the air.

He suddenly wished he had his gear; he could shoot arrows for hours without a care. He did have a Seraph blade on him, but he preferred his bow. Taking a few deep breaths. He didn't know how long he had been gone but Alec knew he needed to stand up and head home. His parents might notice his absence but he knew the truth, they didn't notice him when he stood in front of them, they wouldn't notice him gone. Izzy, on the other hand, would notice when she stopped sucking Simon's face long enough to realize. Jace and Clary would notice if they ever made it back to the house.

"You're a hard Shadowhunter to track down."

Alec froze, not turning. He couldn't. The voice floated to him from slightly further away.

"I had to use magic to find you."

The voice was closer to him and Alec knew he wasn't imagining it. At least he thought he wasn't imagining it. He knows Magnus was floating around the city somewhere, after all, he was the one who brought Simon to Idris. Alec still couldn't turn to face him, he knew he would have to see him for work from time to time but he always thought there would be people around, so he didn't have to actually speak to him. He steeled his nerves, or tried to; he didn't do an outstanding job of it.

He closed his eyes when he saw Magnus' black coat shifted in his line of sight. When he opened them again after mere seconds, Magnus was right in front of him. He had crouched down in front of him; his sparkling cat eyes were slightly higher than eye level.

"We can't even speak to one another."

Alec sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes again. If that would make him wake up from this dream.

"Alexander…"

Alec opened his eyes, the dream was real and the sound of Magnus' voice saying his full name made his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach. If only he could hear that sound for the rest of his life. His thoughts trailed to a dead stop. He couldn't. He couldn't think that way; it would only lead to heartache. Magnus shouldn't be here. He's supposed to be in New York.

"Don't." Alec shifted his head back into the wooden post when Magnus reached forward. He saw him stop, frozen midair.

Magnus sat back planting himself on the ground; his knees still raised high; he rested his arms across his knees. "I've been looking for you."

"You said that already."

Magnus nodded, "I did."

"You need to leave." Alec just stared at the beautiful eyes he loved so much. Look at them without looking in them. He didn't want to see the emotion or lack of emotion in them. "I've given you everything you want. You shouldn't be here."

"Not everything." Magnus whispered.

Alec didn't say anything to that. What could he say?

"Alec-"

"I said 'don't'." Alec inched to the side to get away from Magnus' outstretched hand. "You can't do this. Playing this game."

"Game? I didn't know I was playing a game."

Alec frowned at the edge to their voices. When did that happen? When did they become these people who spoke to each other with anything but love in their voices? When did they become the couple that plays games and keeps score? Had he done that to them?

"Aren't you? You stop talking to me when you feel like it. You start talking to me when you want it. You have only been doing things you want when you want them without a care for me. Isn't that a game?" Alec felt the emotion clogging his throat and face; he was going to cry. Him a tough Shadowhunter was going to lose his mind. "I'm sorry." He found himself whispering. "That's not fair of me-"

Magnus moved fast then, coming right up to Alec's face, putting a hand on the back of his neck; dragging him into a kiss. He didn't let go when Alec's hands came up to his chest. He figured Alec would push him away, but instead, Alec twisted his hands into Magnus' black coat and keeping them close together. Magnus lost his balance or Alec pulled him too much because they went from sitting to being sprawled out on the dirty ground. Magnus shifted, pressing himself to feel Alec as much as possible. He had not stopped thinking about this feeling since Alec left him in that courtyard.

Alec melted into Magnus' kiss; he couldn't stop himself or talk himself out of it. His brain shut off and his instincts turn on into hyperdrive. He felt natural and normal to be in Magnus' arms.

Reality came crashing down, finally, giving Alec enough insight to know this was wrong. They couldn't survive on kissing alone. Alec pushed hard and moved away from Magnus, the dead leaves and grass crunching under his body. He couldn't breathe but he knew to stand up and step back.

Magnus was up with him, stepping back into Alec's personal circle.

Alec stepped back but ran into a dummy post, giving Magnus the time to reach him. They didn't touch save for Magnus' coat on Alec's shirt.

"We messed up but running from one another isn't going to solve this."

"You ran away first." Alec pointed out.

Magnus nodded, "You're right. I did."

Alec twisted his fingers in Magnus coat, crushing them together. Chest to chest. Lips to lips. It was his turn to drive the kiss. He would never not kiss Magnus if he was given the chance. It wouldn't matter it if was minutes, weeks, or even years from now. He would always love Magnus and show that love with everything he had. He would hate to see what he would do if his mother got her way with his marriage and he met Magnus again. Would he still feel the same way? Would he cheat to get Magnus in his arms? The answers to those questions were 'yes' and that scared him.

Magnus brought his hands up to Alec's side, bunching his shirt up enough to reveal skin. He trailed his hands up Alec's side, skin to skin. He felt Alec still for a moment before tilting his head and applying more pressure to get this close. Magnus shifted his hands down, gripping the edge of Alec's shirt pulling it up. He wanted it off.

"Magnus," Alec pulled out of the kiss, "We can't. We can't do that." He pushed on Magnus to get him to let go but he didn't, he pulled on Alec's shirt.

"Come with me." Magnus watched him, "Come with me to my place."

Alec frowned, "You have a place here."

"Each downworlder has a house for when they are needed in Idris. Come to me." Magnus pulled on the shirt but Alec didn't move.

"I can't. I can't do this. I can't kiss you then leave you. That isn't fair to either of us."

Magnus shook his head, "You won't have to leave. We can work this out."

Alec looked down, breaking their eye contact. He pulled his shirt out of Magnus' hands, "I already agreed to my mother's arranged marriage. I've been gone too long; I have to go." He took off then, as fast as he could at a dead run. He had to get away, or he wouldn't be able to say no to Magnus anymore. He heard his name but knew Magnus had not followed him.

He didn't stop running until he made it back to his house. He pushed through the front door to find, his parents, his siblings along with Clary and Simon all in the living room.

"Where have you been?" His mother spoke first, "It's been hours. Why are you dirty?"

Alec looked around but jumped when someone knocked on the door behind him. He stayed in place; something told him not to answer that door. He knew who would be on the other side, his stomach told him. His heart did a little flip with the thought that Magnus chased after him.

"Alec, what are you doing? Answer the door. You're standing in front of it." Izzy spoke.

Alec twisted and opened the door, trying to control his breathing. He was right; he shouldn't have answered the door, "No."

Alec pushed on his chest but Magnus grabbed his wrist and twisted, it wouldn't hurt but it would be enough pressure to get Alec to move where he wanted. He pushed Alec back, closing the door behind him. He didn't want to do this in a room full of his family plus the vampire but here he was. "You listen to me, you have been fighting for me for weeks and now you think I'm just going to let you tie yourself to some loveless marriage. That is never going to happen." Magnus kept his focus on Alec; he didn't need to his parent's disdain for him.

"Magnu-"

"No, you told me I'm not allowed to be in love with anyone until you die well I plan to be in love with you for a very long time. I won't let you love another soul except for mine. We will figure this out but I will not give you up to your mother's arranged marriage plans. I will never let that happen." Magnus let go of Alec's wrist.

"Well, at least we know why he has dirt on him." Jace pointed to Magnus, who still had dirt on his coat.

Magnus snapped his fingers and both him and Alec were cleaned. He had just publically announced his plans for Alec, so maybe that would be enough for Alec to take this as his step forward.

Alec just stared, "This changes nothing. You haven't changed and neither have I. Those reasons you spoke about on how we would never work still stand. You will never tell me anything. And I can't live like this." Alec was so angry now his voice went higher and higher, "I will never stop wanting to know you, everything about you which includes your past and you will never tell me. You will never open up to me. You said it yourself this is never going to work and you were right. I'll never stop wanting to know you and you'll never stop hiding who you are." He wanted to cry again, "I didn't know better then but I do now."

"What do you want to know? When I fell in love with Camille, it was at an accord meeting in London. The same meeting where Shadowhunters threw out the plates all the downworlders used because they didn't want to be tainted. It was also the same time; I got to hear the screams of a Herondale friend being de-runed because he fell in love with a mundane. How about my run-in with the Circle members? Valentine using the Morgenstern sword to stab me in the heart, literally, stab me in the heart. Or about finding Raphael on the night he turned. His mother begged me to bring her son back alive and I brought a vampire instead. How about Peru? Beautiful country, I fell in love there, a local boy who could play the most beautiful music and how he fell out of love with me first. It wouldn't matter anyway because I'm banned from the country for life anyway. How about the fall of the Hotel Dumort and how I had a hand in its downfall? More than once by the way. How about William Herondale? He was my friend for a long time, him and his warlock wife, Tessa Gray. She still cries on my shoulder over his death from time to time. I wasn't in love with him but I did love him. Or about your family, Benedict, Gabriel, or Gideon, I knew them well. Benedict was kind of a worm but he got his in the end." He wanted to smile at the end, but found himself frowning, "What do you want to know?"

Alec froze, you could hear a pin drop in the room.

"How about how much I love you? I've never in my centuries fell in love the way I have with you. You're right I'll never love another in this life the way I love you. I made a mistake with my words because I was hurt. I see that now and I'm just asking for a chance to fix them. I've done so much thinking since that night in the tunnel I can barely sleep. Do you honestly want me to walk away and never return? Do you honestly not love me the same way I love you? I've never been with another Shadowhunter and I never will again. It's you; it's all you."

"Don't be stupid, Alexander." To everyone's surprise, it was Maryse who spoke up, "I could only be so happy to know my children found a love like that. A love I never got." The dig to Robert was slight but powerful.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I am going to spend the rest of my life loving you. Won't you join me on the journey?" Magnus stood in front of him.

Alec stood there; staring. He blinked. Wasn't this what he wanted? What was he doing? He couldn't breathe, there were too many people staring at him. He stepped forward pushing Magnus back to the door when they reached it; he twisted to open the door, shoving him out and going with him. "Why would you do this here?"

"Because you literally just ran away from me." Magnus was angry now, pointing past Alec to the open street beyond the front yard behind him. "I mean Shadowhunter rune ran away from me."

"Magnus, I don't know what to do. I love you, you are right, I love you the way you do. I want you and only you for the rest of my life but I'm scared that the next big thing will have you walking away from me again. Yeah, I missed up, big time. I know that and I will never deny that. But I'm confused." The second the word left his mouth it felt so right. All his emotions boiled down to one word: _confusion_.

"I know. And I haven't helped but now we can help each other." He sighed, "I have a dinner meeting I have to go to with all the downworlders. Can I come by when it's over?"

Alec nodded. "You can't come through the door, top window." He pointed up.

Magnus grabbed his hand to pull him close; he needed at least one more kiss. He didn't stop this kiss and neither did Alec. Minutes ticked by and Magnus was still holding Alec to him, his tongue battling Alec's for control. There was no heat behind the kiss but a promise for tonight. Magnus would figure out a way to get Alec to come to his warlock living space here so they could kiss without Jace in the room or the entire family staring at them. Magnus pulled back.

"I have to go. This dinner is supposed to be important. Discussing our tactic or something like that." Magnus smiled at Alec's confused expression, Magnus knew Alec forgot what he was talking about. "Leave your window unlocked; it will be easier for me." He winked and stepped back a few paces.

"I love you." Alec's voice was shaky; he still had not caught his breath.

Magnus winked and left.


End file.
